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OK apocalypse survivors, it’s your anniversary, 20XX. You’ve been shacking up with that sweet survivalist guy or gal in that shanty on the edge of an decrepit golf course, and you’re planning a romantic dinner of roasted rat with dandelion stuffing. If only you had a lovely little treat to give them afterwards (besides all that post-apocalyptic unprotected sex). It’s a totally sweet idea, and would be totally feasible if the shit hadn’t hit the fan.

But wait — you have been faithfully reading de’Lunula and learning all the best survival tips! You are now practically a journeyman survivor in the post-apocalyptic world! You can definitely scrounge up something to make dessert! Time to head down to what remains of the nearby strip mall and get some recipe makin’s. Hopefully the place isn’t littered with marauders, zeds orvictor-charlies.

Ok, so, after scrounging, you find some random articles involving sugar and spice and everything nice. Except you couldn’t actually find sugar since no one in their right mind is working a sugar plantation right now. You know, because of the world-ending plague.

Alright, so, tangy burritos it is:

  • 1 or 2 ornamental oranges/kumquats/found fruit etc OR 1 small can of fruit bits.
  • 1 oz. of tamarind candy, around 1 tube or whatever.
  • 1 tortilla, preferably flour.

Lay out your tortilla (I could only find a corn tortilla). Smear the tamarind candy paste down the middle in a straight line. Sprinkle the bits of fruit (I could only find a squishy green apple) along the line of tamarind paste. Roll up like a burrito (toothpick optional).

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Alternatively, if you and your partner are fed up by the lack of dessert and you’re both tired of living a sham of a life in the post-apocalyptic world, then do this: take some bread, soak it in anti freeze, and heartily consume. Antifreeze is quite sweet, and that will help when the kidney failure happens.

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