Valentine’s Day is here again! Here are some nifty retro cards we got from thrift stores (click pics for shareable Facebook links.)
Now this card would just say “On point.”
Get BEAR ass naked this Valentine’s Day.
That’s not a necklace…
Because we are all pathetic meat puppets at the whims of our emotions and brain chemistry, and everyone dies alone.
Skeet skeet skeet.
Blue lives matter.
This was before the movie “Alien” was a thing…
Call a girl “cookie” now and that hot tea’s going in your lap.
That pun is just awful.
Magicians get hella laid, by dudes too if they wanna.
Swag game Betty Crocker.
Ducks aren’t big on consent (that’s backed up by real science, they’re gross animals.)
This card is messed up on so many levels (get it, cause there’s a ladder???)
Hooting and howling till the neighbors hear through your shitty apartment’s thin ass walls.
That’s not creepy at all…
The seventies where big on appropriations of native culture. It’s like Coachella was a decade.
Yukon tell how racist this card is by just looking at it for 5 seconds.
Firemen are like cops who don’t accidentally freak out and shoot your dog in the face in front of your whole family.
This breed of giraffe had long since gone extinct. The heart covered pelts were really big with glam rock musicians in the 70’s.
Smoke ’em if you gottem kiddos.
Those peaches look like balls…
Obviously from a simpler time. Send this to the creepy teacher at your school (and hopefully get them fired.)
For the confused teenage boy in your life.
Because cultural appropriation used to be just quaint and cutesy.
Not tryna soap box here…
That’s unhealthy and obsessive.
Sugar bunnies are people who sleep with you for cocaine. (IDK, probably…)
He’s got a gun, run for your lives! (For the school shooter kids obvs.)
Uh, did I read that right??
Just insult them until they like you back, totally healthy.
Black market organs, sexy.
Who the fuck are you calling a silly goose?
Breaking and entering is hella romantic.
Calling someone a ‘good egg’ is a surefire way to make those panties drop.
The movie ‘The Crow’ was bad ass, and Brandon Lee was hot.
More egg puns. Please kill me. I want an egg*scuse to leave this miserable planet.
That’s what they all say…
Andy Warpigs is a humorist, provocateur, and folk punk musician based in Arizona. Recommended listening/ shameless self promotion here:
More weird shit from de’Lunula:
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Sir Charles Barkley Is The Tom Clancy of Basketball
I Love You From The Bottom of My Liver — On Organs And Romance
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