Hello dear turkeys!
Today, we will continue your education in the delightful art of alcohol infusion. Last time, we showed you that you can make booze in your favorite flavors of snack, but this time, we will refine the technique a bit. Did you know that with a proper infusion, you can turn a normal alcohol into a fancy one?
Now, since we know you pinch pennies harder than Scrooge McDuck’s ass, we’ll show you some good frugal tricks. Here are recipes to make the equivalents of several popular drinks at those frat boy parties you love to attend.
First off, fireball whiskey! All you wannabe hardasses take shots of this at the bar and woop and yell and piss off us slimey hipsters trying to drink our IPAs in the corner near the bathroom. Shit gets expensive though, knowhumsayin, so here’s how to do it at home:
- take several ounces of whiskey (cheaper the better) and add 1 stick of Big Red gum for every ounce.
If you’re more of a candyass than the pretenders above, and you drink goldschlager cuz you… well I don’t know why you do it. Because you want to, I guess?
- take several ounces of vodka and add 1 stick of Big Red gum for every ounce. Notice a pattern?
- for the gold that makes it goldschlager, just pour in a a few drops of cooking oil. There’s your floaty yellow stuff!
And if you are way more of a jocko-homo than either of the above, let’s make you some jaeger.
- take at least an ounce of cough syrup and add a few nugs of Good ‘n’ Plenty.
Now, for each of these, you just wait half an hour or some shit and then pick out the gum or candy.
And the judges decide: what the fuck do you think the judges decided? Huh? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE ANSWER COULD POSSIBLY BE ASIDE FROM “VOMIT TOWN EXPRESS”
Madman, pseudo-psychologist, and itinerant mooch, Sebastian Stevenson is also a handsome Illyrian gentleman who wishes he owned a motorbike. Man, motorbikes are cool.
Here’s the previous article in this series:
The Delightful Art of Alcohol Infusion
Some more recipes by me: