On Blast: Your Favorite Music Wouldn’t Exist Without This Music
Rock would not exist without blues. Blues would not exist without slavery. Racial inequality would not exist without white people. If that’s the way you justify the belief that rock ‘n roll was birthed by The White Man, well, then shit, I can’t really argue with that logic.
Ethanol Dossier– The Elixir of Youth
This elixir will detox your vitamin glands way more than your cold-press enema squeeze could ever hope to!
Social Anxiety Report: sorry I can’t remember you sometimes
I can't help it. It feeds into my social anxiety and makes me never want to leave the house. What if I run into someone I should know, but can't pull them up in my brain-goo archives?
Statement of the Kennel Killer
It was kind of weird putting bodies in garbage bags. it’s not as easy as you would think, even though most of these animals were less than half my size. And corpses are floppy, which, when you’re trying to gracefully slide a creature that was just euthanized into a 40-gallon trash bag from Home Depot,...
Eulogy For Your Internet Fame
You can finally let out all your secrets and the public will completely embrace you in their enthusiastic, mass media bear hug.
Abandoniers! — The Night Climbers Of Cambridge
These images will make you nostalgic for a time you were never a part of and find yourself sharing something in common with a generation almost a century before.
Ethanol Dossier — The McCarthy Cowboy
You will need one ounce of diced prickly pear fruit, pulled with your hand from a cactus in a country not lush yet rampant with unseen life. (Just kidding, go to Food City.)
Return of the Ketchup Messiah
Rather than step on the heads of the heretics, you must perform a miracle to assure them you’re the next goddamned son of the great condiment bar in the sky.
Memes Are Stupid — Do Banks Steal From You?
Memes are idiotic in general, but the worst memes are vaguely political or scientific in some manner.
The Breakfast from Qlipnor
The cream of mushroom soup really helps cover up the strong ammonia odor from the eggs. You still have to hold your breath while eating it, otherwise you’ll probably die from a nosebleed.
These PHX Comic Con Photos Don’t Have Any Cleavage In Them So You Probably Don’t Want To Look At Them Sorry
That woman might have boobs or not but she is not showing them aww too bad.
Why Every Guy Should Be Doing Kegels Right Now
Why the hell are you telling me to do these weird ass German smut stretches for my incontinence? I am a healthy young hipster and I don’t need that shit.
